Monday, January 31, 2011

Oprah does it with the lights on...

ahh journaling!
the beauty of getting your mental/emotional excrement out in silence so your friends don't have to sit through those regularly scheduled 2ante meridiem phone calls.

you know the're crying in the corner of some strangers studio apartment because Jameson and Jack have left you stranded on the wrong side of reason & responsibility.

so put that smartphone know good and damn well your friends aren't picking you up from 71st and wherever-the-fuck, no one on twitter cares and your battery is dying. 

get your alcoholic ass a pen and paper and into said strangers bano and you write! 
contrary to popular misconceptions, journaling is not just for unhappy housewives and people going through involuntary abstinence anymore-oh no, honey, it's for the kids!... the butcher, the baker, annnd the candlestick maker. it's therapeutic, almost baptismal (although I wouldn't know anything about that seeing as though one of my parents lived in a tree from 1975-78...shit like that just doesn't mix well w/organized religion) # POW #JOURNALentrytopic right there twitches! 

you'll soon get a sense of how fucked up your life is by the degree of lacrimation (not to be confused with lactation) streaming down those rosy cheeks.

so do yourself a favor and let yo souuuulll GLOW! pick up a pen and write my friends! about what?! you might ask...well, how about that time your mom lost you in the grocery store and just said, "fuck it" after did that make u feel? not good, huh : / Or that time uncle tom got you really drunk at the family reunion when u were only 14. fuck yea! that uncle tom's a cool guy...

Below is an excerpt from a book (a big one) & one of my favorite stream of consciousness-esq pieces. because we all know that rigidity and form suck when u have adult adhd! it reminds me of someones journal entry (if that someone was a neurotic and indecisivee air sign) so enjoy. and remember, Express yo'self!

"I can believe things that are true and things that aren't true and I can believe things where nobody knows if they're true or not.

I can believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and the Beatles and Marilyn Monroe and Elvis and Mister Ed. Listen - I believe that people are perfectable, that knowledge is infinite, that the world is run by secret banking cartels and is visited by aliens on a regular basis, nice ones that look like wrinkled lemurs and bad ones who mutilate cattle and want our water and our women.

I believe that the future sucks and I believe that the future rocks and I believe that one day White Buffalo Woman is going to come back and kick everyone's ass. I believe that all men are just overgrown boys with deep problems communicating and that the decline in good sex in America is coincident with the decline in drive-in movie theaters from state to state.
 I believe that all politicians are unprincipled crooks and I still believe that they are better than the alternative. I believe that California is going to sink into the sea when the big one comes, while Florida is going to dissolve into madness and alligators and toxic waste.

I believe that antibacterial soap is destroying our resistance to dirt and disease so that one day we'll all be wiped out by the common cold like martians in War of the Worlds.
 I believe that the greatest poets of the last century were Edith Sitwell and Don Marquis, that jade is dried dragon sperm, and that thousands of years ago in a former life I was a one-armed Siberian shaman.
 I believe that mankind's destiny lies in the stars. I believe that candy really did taste better when I was a kid, that it's aerodynamically impossible for a bumble bee to fly, that light is a wave and a particle, that there's a cat in a box somewhere who's alive and dead at the same time (although if they don't ever open the box to feed it it'll eventually just be two different kinds of dead), and that there are stars in the universe billions of years older than the universe itself.
 I believe in a personal god who cares about me and worries and oversees everything I do. I believe in an impersonal god who set the universe in motion and went off to hang with her girlfriends and doesn't even know that I'm alive. I believe in an empty and godless universe of causal chaos, background noise, and sheer blind luck.

I believe that anyone who says sex is overrated just hasn't done it properly. I believe that anyone who claims to know what's going on will lie about the little things too.
 I believe in absolute honesty and sensible social lies. I believe in a woman's right to choose, a baby's right to live, that while all human life is sacred there's nothing wrong with the death penalty if you can trust the legal system implicitly, and that no one but a moron would ever trust the legal system.
 I believe that life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you're alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it."

- Neil Gaiman (American Gods)

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Pac Div - Mayor

Barely Legal

In honour (that's the refined British way of spelling) of the new LesbiFriends Junior League Parties (18 to cum, 21 to swallow ftw), I present to you: [Not Quite] Jail Bait!
Indulge! They look young, so you feel dirty... but they're 18 and up, so you don't feel like a criminal. Thank me later.
After you're done browsing the pics, check below for some fun statutory rape laws. It's my duty to find those loopholes for you*
gracie carvalho, 20

bria murphy, 20

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Big K.R.I.T. - Hometown Hero - Written and Produced by BIG K.R.I.T.

Ok, now that we've gotten that out of the way...on to the actual point of the last post. That REAL, son! no 4real this time.


Ok, I love bad bitches, patron and cheese grits [non a la Al Green] in the a.m. from anonymous one-night stands as much as the next homosapien; however, I’m getting bad gas just thinking about these male centric tropes being so heavily marketed into my very ordinary life. Why yes, I am sir, a pimp in my own mind, but that’s sadly as far as it goes.
Sometimes, I’d just like to listen to a track that makes me feel good about my mundane 9-5, my mutherf*cking khakis from Indonesian infant hands (the GAP) and my Chicago Transit Card -yeah, I gots credit, hoe! Is that alright w/u Ricky Rozay? Can I get a song about my 3.5 star chick who loves me for me! shyyyyt. Soccer mom ass all day, but I gets it!...oh I gets it.

No no, I understand- wooowhoo, life’s a party when u have cool tattoos, free weed, no need for food stamps and the infamous “Red Bone” (who I hear is now going by “Yellow Bone” #kanyeshrug) on your arm. Whatevz, Beamer Benz, Bentley *cough* Hyundai…fuck it, I keeps it real. So I’m gonna put up some REAL shit, about REAL NIGGAZ doing REAL THANGS! I apologize to all of the readers who’ve buried the ‘N’ word along with Jesse Jackson.  Yes, I know it sounded like Jesse was buried as well, I’m not a writer, fuck u. Anywho, I digress…

You might be rolling your eyes in contempt thinking,  B*tch! Get on to the point. Oh I’ma tell yall the muthaeffin point. For the two of you who are still keeping up with me, I’d like to veer away from these monotonous images/sounds so often found in entertainment *holler if you hear me* and move back to the actual music. I want to hear an artist’s …oh I don’t know, ART! [Mahalia Jackson sings in background -Jesus gives thumbs up] Jesus and I are sick of having substance substituted with finely manufactured visual tea bagging. Yea, your beats make me feel like I could run a small gang in Englewood and make it tsunami in the club, but you ain’t talkin’ bout SHIT, homie!  I’m saying, the audio-visual fucking is getting out of hand, ostentatious if u will.  One too many nuts-a-bustin’.

I’m all about the appeal of your #thuglife, but let’s just be honest for a moment and admit some things, shall we?
1.You weren’t breast fed as a child/moms called u, “that dumb muthafucka” and in turn, u over-indulge in beautiful women who go by several names, “bitch, shut up: (1st, middle, last)” being one of them.
2. You also secretly prefer same sex relationships…it’s all good, I do too, no judgment here.
3. You’re not packing where it counts so u have one too many guns (T.I.) and further compensate with cars, jewelry, bad ass white women (kanye) to hide said same sex attraction (umm…Kanye).

 But sometimes, friends (dramatic pause-harpsichord plays) we have to get back to the real world and remember real shit goes down out here in these skreets… and I ain’t talking bout Waka Flocka Flames video getting abruptly stopped by the pigs (poor thing-pets pseudo-locks) I’m talking about Nas-real, Jean Grae-real, Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik-real, Mary J. Blige on that crizack-real*heads nod for reassurance*

That being said, enjoy some good tunes, some of you might of heard this classic before and some of you not so much, but it’s here for your listening pleasure and I hope you enjoy ☺

And remember, ‘I ain’t gotta rap.’

Check out the link below...

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Lesbifriends "Junior League"

We heard your requests, and realized the young lgbt community has been missing the opportunity to partake in shenanigans with us so we've created the Junior League! The Junior League will host 18+ events so you barely legals can experience what you've been missing. Guys, and gals these events are for everyone!